Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Am I Comfortable with My Obsessive Compulsive Self?

208.6 exactly 60lbs lost!
Yesterday, my office mate asked me a question.  It was a good question, but it made me laugh in the beginning because I felt like a kid who had been exposed.  It all stemmed from her observations of my behaviour.  Mainly, the bodybugg, calorie counting, using an exercise ball as my chair (which apparently causes you to burn more calories than just sitting in a regular chair), blogging, talking about my weight constantly, having hand held weights in the office to use while talking on the phone,  and walking at lunch.  Whew!  Ok, so, what I have done here is surround myself with constant reminders of what my goal is.  She wanted to know how I felt about it.  My first question was if she was ok with all of this.  She is ok with it, but wonders if I am comfortable?  My answer is that I find this comforting by surrounding myself with this.  It is comfortable because I am obsessive compulsive.  I MUST do this or I will be fat.  That is part of the reason I was fat.  I am either on or off something and not being on watching my weight is what got me here now.  It is what I think about constantly and I am comfortable with it.  I don't want to become fat again.  I don't want to have 100 lbs to lose to reach a normal BMI.  I do enjoy my lighter body and am really relishing how comfortable that feels im my skin.  I don't know if I can continue to obsess forever and that worries me.  How will I find a happy medium?  How do any of us do that?  It seems to me that this isn't all that unordinary and that others do the same with sports or diet?  What do you think?


  1. OMG~again another blog entry that I could copy and cut to my blog. We think so much alike. Must be the whole OCD thing... love your blog by the way. I will be following you if thats ok with you?

  2. It's not unusual to be obsessive about things such as weight loss and the things we go thru to lose it. I have obssesed over the smallest things and wonder what I could be thinking. Weighing portions is good, but when I have to get it right down to the milligram, that is a bit obsessive. Also, I find I am obessesing about the scale. Weighing everyday is a terrible thing to do. But I was doing that for the longest time and I knwo that is why I gave up a long time ago and gained it all back.
    You're on the right track and, like all of us, are doing what we need to in order to stay around for a little while longer. : )