Thursday, November 6, 2014

Surgery Date and What I Know for Sure

January 8th is the day my life will change forever.

 Frankly, I am excited and terrified at the same time.  I don't take this change lightly.

I have doubts about doing this until I look into the mirror.  It isn't all about how I look.  It is also about how I feel physically and emotionally.  I am very open to sharing that this is the choice I have made, but for other's who have this surgery, it is a private matter.  I am alright sharing because I don't care if others see this as the easy way or cop out.  I know for a fact that this has already not been easy.  It has been a very long year of contemplation and preparation.  What I know for sure is that I hate being fat.  I hate the idea of worrying if the seat belt will fit in an airplane or if my behind will fit in the seat.  I hate the fact that I can't shop in the same store as my friend and that the best I can hope for with clothes is that they don't accentuate how fat I really am and at the same time don't fit like a mu mu.  I hate that I have obstructive sleep apnea.  I hate that I have high blood pressure, and asthma, and esophageal re flux.  I hate that my Marine Drill Instructor son thinks that I should just eat less and work out more.  I hate that I am depressed and tired and just feel like laying around.  I hate that regardless of how hard I try, nothing seems to change this on any lasting level.

What I know for that this will change my life.  It will change my body permanently.  It will change my relationships with food and drink.  It will change my medical issues.  It will allow me to have a quality of life that I don't currently participate in.  It will allow me to feel good in my skin, even if that skin is sagging.  It will allow me to enjoy moving my body again.  It will mitigate my medical issues and that is huge.  It will give me power that I feel has been drained from my life one pound at a time.  I am looking forward to that.  Very forward and consider the trade off worth it.