Friday, September 10, 2010

Last Year/New Me

Last year at this time, I was fat.  I was fat and disgusted with myself.  I was depressed at how fat I had become.  I could not see that I could do anything for myself to change being fat.  I mean really, doesn't everyone know that the medications I take reduce my metabolism by 5%?  Who can fight that anyway?  Yeah, I saw pictures of me at my eldest son's wedding that made me cringe with shame.  Shame on me for accepting me as fat.  By October, something had begun to change in me.  I noticed that my best friend who never had a weight problem had put on 25lbs.  She was getting fat.  Was I helping her or hurting her with the fat?  I started to see things in a different light.  If it wasn't for the fact that I had paid tons of money to lose weight several years ago and only gain it back and then some, I might have had more hope.  I was hopeless.  Was I really?  Could I muster up some courage?

This year is different.  I am 70 lbs lighter.  I did this by being determined. I was determined to love myself a little better.   By not being hopeless. By having hope and faith in myself.  I still have another 40 to lose.  But, that is ok.  I will do this. 

This year I love wearing my NorthFace jacket that is a size L.  NOT XXL, L.  I love putting this on and it outlines my body.  My body is now smaller and it feels comfortable.  I love wearing a skirt to work and not being ashamed of my legs.  I love slipping on my pants and feeling like they fit.  They are not tight.  They fit.  I fit. 


  1. Love this post sooo much! I can totally relate. I too started last Oct and I love myself for doing it. I love wearing a size 9-10 from a size 20-22. smile.

  2. That's great! What a difference a year makes, huh? You're so inspirational. Keep up the good work :)

  3. I've missed you. I know that I have friends and family near by who are on plan with me, but you understand the struggles and .... I miss you. Does this mean I use you? I hope not. Does this mean that you're my crutch? I really hope not. I really want and NEED to get this behind me. I don't believe that this is a one-shot deal and it's all over, but at the same time the real struggle, the inital loss, I NEED it behind me.
    I'll support you to get to your goal by Christmas.

  4. do not use me and we are not a crutch. What we are is two women trying to manage life and the pursuit of happiness. It is not easy and, you are right. It isn't a one shot deal. It is a way of life that takes time and endurance to make it happen. It will happen for you. It will for me too. I feel like our attitudes have changed for the better. Sure, we slip, we fall, but we get back up and keep trudging along. I am right there with you.