Day 5 Liquid Diet Observations

Emotions...
It is a funny thing when you are not eating.  Your senses seem to come alive.  My sense of smell is so over the top right now.  I can smell everything to an extreme.  If fact, so much so that it bothers me.  I also am a bit emotional right now.  The smallest thing can bring me to tears.  Not at work, I don't do that, but at home watching TV about Wounded Warriors in a commercial.  I guess it doesn't help that my son is a Marine, but really?  Commercial crying?

Anyway, now on to hunger.  Not really all that hungry today.  In fact, not.  However, the last three days were murderous!  I could barely get through the day.  On the third day, Sunday, I though I was going to completely crumble.  I felt weak, irritable, and downright tired of the whole process.  But, I survived!   Weekends are really hard.  I am so used to waking up to my kid asking if we can go out to eat.  We didn't have this activity and it was down right hard!  We did do errands, but it wasn't the same.  I really missed doing our normal activities.  I had to ask myself if I missed it more than getting into good health.  No.  I didn't miss it that much.

So the third thing is drinking in general.  No coffee and no alcohol.  Neither of these have been deal breakers for me.  I am a little surprised at that.  I guess I figure that this is something I will have in the future.

Today is the final meeting with the surgeon before surgery on the 8th of January.  Hopefully, he will be satisfied with the five pounds I have lost.  I will let you all know.  Constipation is an issue with only drinking protein shakes for meals.  Hopefully the blasters I took this morning will do their business by this afternoon and, well, you know!

Surgery Date and What I Know for Sure

January 8th is the day my life will change forever.

 Frankly, I am excited and terrified at the same time.  I don't take this change lightly.

I have doubts about doing this until I look into the mirror.  It isn't all about how I look.  It is also about how I feel physically and emotionally.  I am very open to sharing that this is the choice I have made, but for other's who have this surgery, it is a private matter.  I am alright sharing because I don't care if others see this as the easy way or cop out.  I know for a fact that this has already not been easy.  It has been a very long year of contemplation and preparation.  What I know for sure is that I hate being fat.  I hate the idea of worrying if the seat belt will fit in an airplane or if my behind will fit in the seat.  I hate the fact that I can't shop in the same store as my friend and that the best I can hope for with clothes is that they don't accentuate how fat I really am and at the same time don't fit like a mu mu.  I hate that I have obstructive sleep apnea.  I hate that I have high blood pressure, and asthma, and esophageal re flux.  I hate that my Marine Drill Instructor son thinks that I should just eat less and work out more.  I hate that I am depressed and tired and just feel like laying around.  I hate that regardless of how hard I try, nothing seems to change this on any lasting level.

What I know for Sure....is that this will change my life.  It will change my body permanently.  It will change my relationships with food and drink.  It will change my medical issues.  It will allow me to have a quality of life that I don't currently participate in.  It will allow me to feel good in my skin, even if that skin is sagging.  It will allow me to enjoy moving my body again.  It will mitigate my medical issues and that is huge.  It will give me power that I feel has been drained from my life one pound at a time.  I am looking forward to that.  Very forward and consider the trade off worth it.

Life After WLS...

What will life be life be like after the surgery?
I can't say for certain, but I have a pretty good idea.

I will never be able to chug a glass of water or any other liquid.
I will have to sip for the rest of my life.
Never again will I be able to take a bite of any food and chew three times and swallow.
Never again will I be able to eat rich fatty food without paying a huge price.
Never again will I be able to eat anything sweet without paying a huge price.
I will have to chew every bite until it is the consistency of applesauce.


Does this seem like a big price to pay?  Yes. What is the advantage to doing this.  For me, this is the tool that I have not had before.  No longer will I have to gain and lose the same 70 lbs.  I am confident that the sacrifices listed above outweigh the distress of yo yo dieting.

Waiting....

I am waiting and it seems like an eternity.  I still don't have a date for the surgery, but the promise that next week I will seems exciting.  While I wait, I am expected to continue to lose weight.  Well, I am staying steady.  How do I do this?  I try to keep my calories around 1300 a day.  While I wait, I am also expected to continue my diet and exercise journal.  So far, this has already been inspected 3 times by the surgeon and the nutritionist.  I suppose I will go under the microscope again with this.  It is a true test of my endurance with the upcoming holidays.  But then, really, the true test will be the rest of my life.  I am taking 100 mg of calcium along with a multivitamin daily.  I am expected to maintain the walking as well and use hand weights to maintain muscle strength.

And so, I wait.

Now What?

This is my first post in a very long time.  I decided that I really missed the blog world.  In the mean time, I have regained all of the weight lost by my Medifast diet.  It took me awhile, but its back, which is likely the reason for no posts.

So, now what?  I can't, can't, can't gain it back and lose it again.  It just feels defeating.  Actually, it is defeating.  I have decided to have weight loss surgery and will have a gastric bypass in January.  I am excited and frightened at the same time.  It has not been an easy nor quick decision.

This past year has been spent preparing for the surgery.  My first contact with my doctor was at the end of January.  She placed a referral and they evaluated my conditions to determine if I would be accepted into the SEVERE OBESITY program.  UGG!  I was accepted.  Don't think those words didn't hurt...
I am hopeful that by sharing my experience or the good and the bad, that I might be able to help someone else.

Here is process:
Ask PCP to refer to program and agree to follow up care post surgery.  PCP had to document previous weight loss attempts which were medically supervised.  PCP had to list co-morbidities.
This occurred in January 2014.

Accepted into program             February  2014
In depth questionnaire              February  2014
Group Orientation Meeting      March      2014
Eight Week Nutrition Class     June/July  2014
Group Class                              July          2014
One Hour Nutritionist              August      2014
One Hour Social Worker         August      2014
Sign Contract Commitment     September 2014
Repeat Nutrition Apt               September 2014
Bariatric Team Consult           September 2014
Lab Tests                                 September 2014
Ultrasound Gallbladder           September 2014
Surgeon Consult                      October     2014

No surgery date set.  Waiting for new year schedule to be created first week of November.